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Be woman, Be

By Andrew Ojara Charles

 

You see leadership is not really like make-up. You don’t wear it and ask if you look good with it. You wear it and tell the world how good you look. You take the reigns and if your society buys it, they follow. If they disagree, they won’t.

I don’t remember ever thinking a girl was inferior to me because she’s a girl in my lifetime.

I don’t remember thinking someone was less smart because they were female.

I only remember drawing the line when confrontation happened. We are not equally allocated the body mass to sustain an exchange of strength..  We were however given a sense of reason so that we can be guided in those times of rushness.

I know that I shouldn’t wear a skirt and go running around. It’s plain odd in my African sense of being. I know I shouldn’t wear makeup. I know what’s naturally me.

I don’t mind cooking the food we eat. In fact, I’m kinda proud of the fact that I’m good at it.

I don’t remember judging a female leader by a different standard than I judge their male counterparts.

So I ask myself; why are women so focused on being equal to men? Why, my female friends do you think yourself inferior? Why do you live like you are?

I’ll tell you what I think is holding you back.

  1. You want him to buy you a new dress every other time. He’ll buy one each time because it’s what you want and never mention it to anyone. Tell me though; Which woman ever bought a man a suit? I don’t know one. If I knew one, I suspect it’d be because after buying it she told the whole world that she bought him a suit.
  2. He feels responsible when the family doesn’t have… You look to him when it doesn’t (if of course it’s a family with both man and wife). He looks to you concerning the household. Is it so wrong to have some sort of role division?

Oh I know you’re screaming now that he too should look to the household because you can look to the provision. I understand you totally. It just sucks that if your girlfriends found him mopping the floor you’d rush to explain why.

Have you fought for equality so long that you have forgotten to enjoy it? Have you heard the theme women are disadvantaged so long that you don’t see the many places and areas women are advantaged. Have you entertained the idea that maybe just maybe what you now need is Equity and not equality? Have you considered that you now need to step up and take the place you fought for so long?

Even when you hold high office you would like a man somewhere to validate you. Why I ask?

You see men are not asking someone to validate them. They are simply living to be as great as they possibly can. Why don’t you just live up to your wildest dreams too?

You see leadership is not really like make-up. You don’t wear it and ask if you look good with it. You wear it and tell the world how good you look. You take the reigns and if your society buys it, they follow. If they disagree, they won’t.

Leadership is all about position and that is what I believe the woman is looking for; Repositioning. The trouble is anyone who tries to take leadership by claiming that the current leader is bad only falls prey to never leading. They end up fighting endlessly. True leaders get themselves opportunity to create change. As we recognise their work, the artistry and need they fulfil, we turn to them and give them more right, power and legitimacy to lead.

I ask again, my dear female friends, why do you still think you’re disadvantaged? Is there anything men are doing that you can’t do? Even before you answer that, have you stopped to recognise what you are, who you’ve become as the female human being? Have you grown into a force  to reckon with that doesn’t recognise it’s own strength? An army that’s not marching to her own strength.  Have you suffered so much that you don’t know how to simply live and be. In the few areas that you can manage it, can you simply be woman? Without the standard -man- to validate you, can you be -woman. Without thinking that there’s a conspiracy to stop you, a glass ceiling to keep you down. A society that meets in secret to plot keeping you disadvantaged.

Is it possible that all a girl has got to do today is Live? Or I’m I so blind that I see the world from a hoodwinked vantage point?

Be Woman, Be. Simply be or help me understand.

Photo: wewantyou.us

9 thoughts on “Be woman, Be

  1. Even when you hold high office you would like a man somewhere to validate you. Why I ask?

    Not all women look for validation most of us in the high offices are just looking for acceptance from the male species.

    We searching to be accepted for the hard work and effort rendered to achieve that high office.

    We want to be accepted not to be validated, for the world to know that when we make decisions, they are not based on our emotions but rather logic.

    Are there women who need validation, yes, but they are not all of us.

    1. Hello Princessa, I love that you can actually see the thine line between ‘Validation’ and deserved ‘recognistion’. It’s very thin and I daresay few people can tell them apart. When I wrote this article, What I wanted to actually say was advocacy for women needs to find strategy to help men recognise and accept the hardwork and effort of women around them. I think it might be the last line to cross for women – when the fact that they are women doesn’t feature in taking notice of them at places like at work. It’s a delicate point you put across.

  2. When you said ‘It just sucks that if your girlfriends found him mopping the floor you’d rush to explain why’ I was remind of a lady friend who found out that, that the gentleman I was seeing then could cook and keep a house well. She said and I quote, “Men don’t cook or even do those things”, I promise I got into defense mood. Not just for my then man’s honour but to also change this young lady’s perspective of men.

    Its true, society won’t let us go and take up our sets at the throne, society still holds us captive to its norms, and that is what we still fight. We fights for the change of views and thoughts, ideas and perspectives, we fight for acknowledgement and acceptance or even tolerance.

    I enjoyed reading this, made me think about what is still holding us back and how we can let it go and settle in

    1. Wow… amazing!
      There’s an element to all this that is still escaping us all. I mention it as -Repositioning- I howeveer didn’t dwell much on it. I think that efforts need to go into altering the way both men and women view ‘The Woman’. I think that the legal-politico gains made are incredible but now women and society must face the ‘institutionalized’ version of imbalance. Both men and women think either gender doesn’t look good doing certain things. That space in the mind is what needs to be tackled now. That space that opens up in all our minds when you approach a taxi and see a lady calling…Kamwokya, Bukoto, Ntinda…!

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